Sunday 15 March 2009

The only known cure for spider plants

Growing spider plants is quite easy, even for somebody as horticulturally challenged as I am - you just snip off the new shoots, stick them in mud, water them a bit and hey presto, dozens of new spider plants. Doing the reverse is a bit trickier, but I think I've cracked it. First you leave them in a dimly lit garage for six months without watering them, then you leave them outside during an unusually cold winter (six inches of snow helps), and you should end up with something that looks like this:

Glad to have cleared that up.

For my next lesson, I will explain why coins and notes are nothing more or less than non-interest paying, small denomination IOU's issued by the government, redeemable at the bearer's demand, despite what the conspiracy theorists have to say on the matter.

4 comments:

Witterings from Witney said...

Six months plus a winter and snow? Christ On A Crutch, where the hell you been all you life?

Seriously, equal amounts of salt and pepper, watered well in or neat creosote - job done in a matter of days!

Just don't tell Mrs. W where you got that tip from!

RantinRab said...

They look like you gave them to Jonah Brown to look after for the weekend.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Oh no! Not a UKIPper v LPUK article, it'll be like the PFJ v JPF in Pilate's drain. ;-)

Elby the Beserk said...

Excellent. Spider plants are about the only houseplant I have failed to kill in a long and appalling houseplant growing career